.tied up.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

age

i can't help but notice how much my parents have aged.
i vividly remember my brother and i conversing about how much dad and mum has aged in the past 6 months.
(that was last june.)
tired, weary, wrinkled.
sunken, depleted of strength, energy sapped.
the once glowing radiance seem to have faded with time.
time made them seem withered.

i stood behind her as she sat facing the screen.
i noticed her shafts of hair.
crystal white strands emerging from beneath.
her once dense thick hair was now few.

i realise how much i love to hug her.
even after all the times we quarrelled.
cried.
angered each other.
i love her.
i know she loves me too.

dad's real tired.
he's face reflects his exhaustion within.
he's lost his passion, his drive.
i miss my joyful dad.
the person who used to burst with exuberance.

they aren't getting any younger.
and neither am i.

i feel premature.
(i'm 19. not 20 something.)
i find myself emersed in adult talk.
life. family. finances. friendship. relationships. marriage.
life never felt so tangible before.
i never worried about finances so much til now.
i never thought more about life.
i think about my parents.
and i wonder if i'll be able to give them a comfortable retirement.
i think about getting a degree and a stable job.
i wonder about friendships.
people i meet.
people i've met.

i don't quite understand why i place barriers.
i've learnt to keep quiet.
i realise that i haven't been able to share my thoughts coherently.

sometimes i wish i could see myself in ten years time.
and speed pass this period of time.

but it's all a learning and growing process.
19.
22.
you're 52 and 53.
time.

responsibility.
a word my brother always used.
he constantly reminded me,
i'm of age.
that's something i should always keep in mind.
resposibility.

tithing.
i want to tithe again.
i haven't tithe since i departed from singapore.

struggles.
worldly struggles.

oh Lord, please help.
guide me.
give me wisdom.
be gracious, and never let me fall.
let Your love continually embrace me.
protect them Lord.
let Your mercy and grace cover them.
never let them fall.
but instead, let them grow deeper in love with You.
thank You for Your love.

[ Jude whispered ][ 11:51 PM ]

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